Chapter 24

I smiled at my parents weakly as I was rolled into the room after the surgery. Then I noticed Brendan, Delia, Andrew, Grace, Hailey, Kelly, and Lisa were also all squeezed in there. Everyone I really cared about was there except for Sidney.

They all began to ask me what it had been like to have my brain cut into while I was awake. I’d told them what I could remember about the experience and Lisa made me laugh with her fairly grotesque jokes about what my brain must have looked like. It was nice to laugh again. I heard the door open and figured a doctor or nurse was coming in to check on me. My mouth dropped when I saw Sidney walk in the door.

“Sorry I missed the big entrance. Did I miss Lisa’s brain jokes?” he asked smiling over at me. He made his way to my bed and grabbed my hand in his.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Washington?” I asked him. He placed a kiss on my cheek.

“Nah, I skipped it. I heard my girlfriend was having a tumor removed from her brain.” I smiled up at him, glad that he was there.

“How did you know I was going through with it?”

“I called him and told him if he didn’t get his butt over here then I’d kill him myself,” Grace chimed in. I laughed.

“No one’s going to be pissed at you?” He shrugged.

“I don’t care. I’m captain,” he joked.

He left later that night to get to Washington in time to play the next afternoon. I watched the game from my hospital bed and yelled a little too loudly when Sidney scored the first goal of the game and assisted on another later. Both times nurses rushed into the room thinking something was wrong. They won on his shootout goal that he dedicated to me, at least over the phone. He came straight to the hospital from the plane later that night.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he walked through the door.

“The drugs are nice. It helps that you outplayed Ovechkin too,” I joked. He smiled and kissed me.

“Everything’s been okay?” he asked, asking my parents more than me.

“No problems at all,” my mom said with a smile.

“See, I’m as healthy as someone with brain cancer can be,” I explained with a smile on my face. He shook his head at me.

“That has to be the drugs talking.” I giggled.

“I think we’re going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep. Nice game today, Sid. We’ll see you in the morning, Tanner,” my father said standing up from his chair. My mom echoed the same and followed him out of the room.

“You know, I didn’t get much of a chance to say anything yesterday before I left, but I’m really happy you changed your mind about the surgery,” Sidney told me with a sigh as he sat down on the bed next to me.

“Well, you can thank Mario for changing my mind.” He looked at me in confusion.

“Mario? What did Mario have to do with it?” he asked. It was my turn to be confused. Mario hadn’t told him he’d come to see me?

“Well, he came to see me yesterday morning.” I could tell by the shocked expression on Sid’s face that he had no idea that Mario had. “He didn’t tell you.”

“No, he didn’t tell me,” he said shaking his head. “What did he say that I couldn’t?” I could see the hurt and disappointment in Sidney’s eyes and I immediately regretted telling him about Mario.

“Mario understands like you can’t,” I whispered.

“And I don’t understand what that means. I know you better than anyone. What can’t I understand?” he demanded. He was angry and I took a moment to think about what I wanted to say before actually doing it.

“You’ve never had cancer,” I explained. The anger faded from his face, replaced with understanding.

“And he knew all the right things to say,” Sidney concluded.

“I don’t know if he came in here intending to change my mind or not, but he did. He kind of put things into perspective.”

Sidney was quiet for a while, probably trying to figure out whether he should ask me what Mario had said or not. I knew I would tell him, I was just trying to figure out how to explain it. After a few minutes he looked up at me and smiled.

“It doesn’t matter what the reason was. I’m just glad you went through with it.” I smiled back at him.

“I changed my mind because of you. They were Mario’s words, but it was you,” I told him. His smile grew.

“What about me made you change your mind?” I laughed at him.

“Fishing for compliments?” I asked. He laughed too.

“No, I’m just curious. Really!” he exclaimed when he saw the look on my face. I shook my head and laughed again.

“Well, it’s a little disconnected, but stick with me. I’ll do my best to explain. He said that when he had cancer he was thankful for hockey because for a few hours a day he could just pretend that everything was normal. It made him forget about the cancer. After he left I thought about what I had that could do that for me. I realized it was going to the zoo that did it. I forget about everything when I go to the zoo. It’s just me and the animals.”

“What does that have to do with me?” he interrupted. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Don’t interrupt, Mr. Anxious. I’m getting there. So I thought about the zoo and then realized that the last time I was there, you were with me. It wasn’t just me and the animals that time. It was us and the animals. For the first time in my life I wasn’t annoyed that I was there and talking with someone instead of just focusing on the animals and the exhibits. That’s when I realized it wasn’t the zoo that made me forget everything anymore, it was you.”

I paused to think about the next thing I wanted to say. I noticed that Sidney’s smile had been growing by the second and his grip on my hand had tightened. I smiled up at him before continuing.

“I thought of Mario and hockey again after realizing that. I quickly became aware of how much I’ve started to enjoy your sport. Not because of the speed, or the toughness, but again, because of you. I’ve gotten to see you live out a dream you’ve had your whole life. I also know that there’s still so much more you can accomplish, and will accomplish. I wanted to be here to see all of that, to watch you really live out your dream. It makes me ridiculously happy to see you play, and I know that during games I think of nothing but you.”

“You like watching me play that much?” he asked unable to contain his silly grin. I shrugged.

“I’d like watching you clean toilets if that was your lifelong dream,” I joked. He laughed and kissed me.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” he asked.

“I’m still not done.” He rolled his eyes, but kept his mouth shut so I could continue. “Mario also mentioned Nathalie and how she was there for him every step of the way. He said that he couldn’t have done it without her. I know that you said that you’d love me no matter what I chose to do, but I can’t help but feel that if I didn’t have the surgery I’d lose you. Maybe we’d stay together, but it just wouldn’t be the same. All I know is that I can’t get through anything without you and I never want to have to try. So, you see, it all came down to you. You are what changed my mind. Mario just made me realize it.”

He leaned down and kissed me again when I finished. He pulled his feet up off the floor and laid down next to me in bed. I turned my head to face him. I smiled as our eyes locked, and felt a tear slide down my cheek. He leaned closer and kissed it away. If this guy wasn’t perfection, I didn’t know what was.

“I love you, Tanner, with everything in me. I’ll always be here for anything you need,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” I returned. He kissed me again and I closed my eyes beginning to feel tired. “Thanks for saving my life again,” I said to him. I didn’t hear his response. I was already asleep.