Chapter 16

So I forgot to preface last chapter with this, so I'll say it here. I'm hardly a medical expert, and I don't really care if what goes on last chapter and the next couple aren't exactly plausible. I'm using creative license here to make the story work. Forgive me.









On non-game days Sidney would stop by after practice, spend an hour while Tanner’s parent’s had lunch, and then let them have time with her. He’d go home, lock himself in his wing until dinner, then he’d go back and he got the nights. On game days he stopped by after morning skate, then he went about his routines, played, and then went back to the hospital for a few hours.

Today was a non-game day. He walked out of the hospital and got into his car. He started to drive home but just couldn’t handle doing that again. An idea popped into his head and he veered off course. A little while later he pulled into the parking lot and got out of his car. He ignored the offer of the map and skipped past many of the attractions. He knew exactly where he was going.

He stopped in front of the exhibit for the polar bears. They were currently active and he leaned on the railing as he watched one swim in the water, and the other play with a ball. It was cold out, but he hardly noticed as he continued to watch. All semblance of time disappeared as he stood there watching the polar bears and thinking about Tanner.

He was angry with himself for lying to her for so long. If he’d just been honest with her, none of this would have ever happened. He couldn’t help but feel as if the accident had been his fault. Of course he also blamed the asshole who thought he could drive home after having too much to drink. The man hadn’t been wearing his seatbelt and had gone through the windshield, dying almost immediately. Sidney couldn’t make himself feel bad for the guy.

He’d long since forgiven Jordan for not telling him about the accident. Sidney never asked him why he hadn’t. At first he’d been angry about it. Now he didn’t care anymore. There were more important things going on. All he cared about right now was Tanner.

The doctors had said there was a chance she could hear him if he talked to her. He liked to think that was true. He spent hours every night talking to her. He talked to her as if she were awake and listening. Sidney told her about his day, about things that were frustrating him with the team, about games, and especially he told her he was sorry.

He never went a night in the hospital without telling Tanner he was sorry for lying to her and sorry for causing all of this. He begged and pleaded with her to wake up. The more time that went by, the less likely it was that she would. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind. He refused to believe that Tanner wouldn’t wake up.

“Enjoying the polar bears?” he heard someone ask, breaking him out of his thoughts. He turned around to see a man in a zoo uniform walking towards him.

“Excuse me?”

“Well, you’ve been out here for over an hour in some pretty cold weather. I figured only someone with a great love for the polar bears would do that,” the man explained. He stopped when he reached Sidney and leaned on the railing alongside him.

“I didn’t realize I’d been standing here that long,” Sidney told him. Now that he was made aware of it, he realized exactly how cold he was.

“Yeah, you looked pretty lost in thought.” Sidney looked back at the polar bears and smiled.

“They’re my girlfriend’s favorite animal,” he told the zookeeper. He never referred to Tanner in the past tense, and he always called her his girlfriend. If she woke up, he wouldn’t let her go.

“So you decided to come and see them for over an hour?” the zookeeper questioned.

“She’s in a coma,” Sidney said quietly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything,” the zookeeper quickly apologized.

“No, it’s okay. It’s not your fault.” They were both silent for a minute as they watched the polar bears. “She’s a semester away from graduating from college. Then she’ll do grad school. Her dream is to work with bears.”

“Well, it’s tough work, but if she really loves them, it’ll be rewarding. Based on the fact that you’ve been standing here for so long watching them tells me that she probably really does love them or you wouldn’t have been drawn here.”

“She really does,” Sidney said. He turned and began to walk away from the exhibit towards the exit.

“Good luck tomorrow night,” the zookeeper called after him. Sidney turned around and looked back at him. He gave a small wave and a smile before making his way to the parking lot and his car.










I listened to the sound of the steady beeping of some machine. There wasn’t any other noise so I assumed it was night time. I didn’t know if anyone stayed in my room with me at night, or if everyone went home to their own beds. I wouldn’t have been upset if they left. I wasn’t exactly awake to care.

I thought I heard the door open, but assumed it was a nurse coming in to check on me. I realized I was wrong when I heard a chair being dragged across the floor next to my bed. I knew who it was when I felt his lips touch my forehead, and felt his hand in mine.

“Hey, Baby, sorry I haven’t been here all day. I had a game against Florida. We lost. Again. I can’t figure out what to do lately. I cost us the game the other night, and I couldn’t do anything tonight. I fought someone, Babe. I jumped him at the face off because I was so frustrated. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

I wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault, even though I didn’t actually know that. I wanted to tell him that they’d turn it around soon and that every team went through something like this during the year. I wanted to ask if he kicked the guy’s ass. I wanted to squeeze his hand back as he squeezed mine. If I’d been awake, I would have been crying.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I think I’m going to stay here with you tonight,” I heard him say.

Of course I don’t mind! I wanted to scream it. I wanted to put my arms around him and hold him. I felt him actually get up on the bed next to me. I couldn’t believe that there was actually enough room. I knew he was staying put when I felt his forehead press against my shoulder. His hand still held mine. A little while later I could hear that his breathing had become rhythmic, and I knew he’d fallen asleep.

Okay, Tanner, just move a finger. Move your pinky. I concentrated on it as hard as I could, but it didn’t move. I stopped for a minute and then concentrated again. Just move the pinky. Wait, did it move, or did I imagine that? I tried again and I was sure I was moving it, but I couldn’t tell.

Okay, now move two fingers. I could swear that I could feel my ring finger move, but I’d done this to myself before only to realize later nothing had moved at all. I decided to go all out and try to squeeze my hand. I concentrated and tried only to have nothing happen. Maybe I had just imagined it like before.

I decided to give it one last try for now and concentrated on squeezing Sid’s hand in mine. I concentrated and thought of nothing but squeezing his hand. I felt Sid shift as he woke up. Concentrate!

“Tanner?” I heard him ask sleepily. Had I done it? I thought about it again, and this time I knew. I felt my whole hand wrap around his. “Tanner?” He was wide awake now. I squeezed his hand again. “Baby, come on. I know you can open your eyes. Open your eyes for me, please.”

I focused all of my attention on opening my eyes. Nothing happened at first, but then I swore I saw a bit of light. I kept trying and I could feel my eyelids start to flutter. Light poured into my eyes and I instinctively closed them again. This was really happening. I was waking up.