Chapter 15

Sidney got off the plane and grabbed his bag. He made his way over to his car, yawning. They’d just gotten back from a win in Atlanta. He was starting to feel a bit better out on the ice. Immediately after the fight with Tanner he just couldn’t do much out there, but things were starting to come back to him.

As he drove home he realized that today had been the last day of finals, so Tanner would be done. He let himself hope that maybe he’d be hearing from her soon. At the same time he was worried that she’d leave to go back to New York for Christmas before he had a chance to talk to her.

He knew it was late but he couldn’t help himself. He picked up his phone and called Tanner’s number. It went straight to her voicemail. He found that a bit strange since finals were over and she had no reason to need to turn her phone off. That uneasy feeling he’d felt the other night started to come back.

“Hey, Tanner, it’s me. I know you said that it didn’t matter if I called because you needed time, but that wasn’t why I was calling. I know that finals were over today and while I don’t know what your exact schedule was I just wanted to call and congratulate you on making it through. I know you did well. Okay, I just wanted to say that. I hope you have a good break from school. Hopefully I’ll talk to you soon.”

Sidney hung up and wished that he was coming home to her. He pulled into the driveway and carried his bag up to his room. He changed and got into bed, falling asleep almost immediately. When he woke up the next morning he checked his phone for messages but didn’t have any. He didn’t know what he was expecting.

He showered and went downstairs for some breakfast. After that he drove to the rink for practice. When he walked in, Staalsy was the first person he saw. When Jordan saw him, he turned and walked in the other direction. Sidney shook his head wondering what the hell was going on. Jordan had been avoiding him for the past week. He figured it had to be because it was awkward for Staalsy to be dating Tanner’s housemate while Sid and she weren’t speaking. Even so, it was odd.

When practice was over Sidney walked outside and signed some autographs. He got into his car and started to drive home, but changed his mind. He knew he shouldn’t be doing it, but he couldn’t help himself. He pulled into Tanner’s driveway ten minutes later and saw that her car was there. He got out of the car and rang the doorbell.

“Sidney! What are you doing here?” Lisa asked in surprise, pulling open the door.

“I know I said I’d give Tanner time to figure things out, but I have to talk to her,” he told her. Kelly came up behind Lisa. He noticed a cut on Kelly’s forehead.

“Tanner’s not here,” she said.

“Her car is here,” Sidney responded, confused. Lisa and Kelly exchanged glances and a knot began to form in his stomach.

“You don’t know? I thought Jordan would have told you,” Lisa whispered, her eyes dropping to the ground.

“Know what? Jordan didn’t tell me anything,” Sidney said, suddenly becoming worried. He saw tears form in Kelly’s eyes.

“Tanner’s at Mercy Hospital. We were hit by a drunk driver just after 1:00 in the morning last Thursday. She’s been in a coma ever since,” Kelly explained.

Sidney’s heart felt like it stopped. This wasn’t happening. He ran off the porch and jumped into his car. He drove much faster than he should have to the hospital. He pulled into a spot and ran inside. He went up to the first desk he saw.

“I need to know what room Tanner Falco is in!” he yelled at the woman sitting there.

“I’m sorry, sir, are you family? We’re only allowed to give that information to family,” she told him.

“If you don’t tell me I will walk into every room in this hospital until I find her.”

The woman began to type into her computer. She read him the information from the screen and Sidney ran to the elevator. He pressed the call button repeatedly. When none came he turned and bolted up the numerous flights of stairs. When he opened the door he bolted out of the stairwell and started searching for her room.

“Excuse me, only family can be back here!” a nurse called to him as he read the numbers on each door. “Sir, are you family?” He ignored her and kept walking until he saw the right room number.

He burst through the door and froze when he saw Tanner lying in the hospital bed. She had a bandage wrapped around her head. The right side of her face was cut, swollen and bruised, turned ugly shades of black, red, and purple. She had a tube in her mouth that he guessed was helping her breathe. Her right arm had cuts all over it and her wrist was in a cast. The rest of her body was covered with a blanket but he could see that her whole body looked like it was in a cast.

As he stood there looking at her he realized he was having trouble breathing. This couldn’t be real, could it? Suddenly it hit him what Kelly had said. They’d been hit last Thursday just after 1:00 that morning. He’d woken up at that time with a headache and the whole right side of his body had hurt. He’d even called Tanner and the phone had just gone to voicemail. He felt sick.
He sniffed when he realized his nose was running, and he felt tears falling down his cheeks. It was then that he realized he wasn’t alone in the room. He looked over to see a man and a woman sitting in chairs along the wall. He guessed they were Tanner’s parents. They were both looking at him in confusion.

“Sidney Crosby?” the man finally asked. He nodded because he couldn’t find the strength to speak. The woman’s eyes widened in recognition of the name. “What are you doing in my daughter’s room?” He looked back over at Tanner, and then at her parents.

“I’m in love with her,” he choked out.










Sidney was here? Was that really Sidney’s voice I’d just heard? And had I just heard him tell my parents he was in love with me? I wanted to cry, I wanted to yell, to get up and say something, but just like every other time I tried, nothing happened.

It had been weird to hear people talking, and talking about me without being able to respond. I missed a lot of parts of the conversations but I’d heard the word coma said more than once. I’d just assumed that it was me in the coma they were talking about, because it was the only thing that made sense.

I was here, alive and thinking, but no one knew that. I couldn’t move, couldn’t verbalize anything. I didn’t even know how long I’d been like this but it felt like an eternity. Sometimes I drifted in and out, like I was falling asleep once in a while. I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, I just knew that sometimes I could hear what was going on and others times I couldn’t.

Most of the time I focused on the voices and listened to what they were saying. I did it for two different reasons. The first was because I had nothing else to do. The second was because I was hoping that something someone said would help me to wake up, to be able to move.

I spent most of my time willing my body to move or my mouth to open and allow words out. It never worked. I’d started big, trying to scream out, to tell everyone that I was still here. I’d also tried moving my arms or my legs. I wanted to wave them around, get someone’s attention.

As time went by I started aiming smaller. I tried to just make a sound, any sound. I didn’t care if all that came out was a tiny squeak, it would still be something. I focused on moving a pinky or a toe, or even just an eyebrow. As far as I could tell, that wasn’t working either.

I wondered how long this was going to go on before I finally succeeded or gave up forever. I wondered what that would be like, to give up. I wasn’t even sure what had caused this to happen to me and finding out was the only reason I’d been struggling to wake myself up.

At some point I heard the doctors talking to my parents about their options as far as I was concerned if I didn’t wake up. I didn’t hear what those options were, but I didn’t like that someone else was going to make a decision for me. This was my life!

I don’t know when it had happened, but I’d started to hear things less and less. I wondered if that meant I was dying. I started to give up trying to move and speak, and knew I was also starting to give up on myself. It became more and more difficult to want to fight.

Then I heard Sidney’s voice. I heard it say that he loved me. It was as if everything came roaring back to life. Suddenly I could hear sounds again and I wanted so badly to wake up and see him. I began to try to move and speak again.

Sidney was there a lot. I could hear him talking to the doctors and nurses. I heard his conversations with my parents, and I could tell they liked him. All of the girls stopped by a lot. If I hadn’t been hearing things, I think most of the Penguins team and the girlfriends even came a few times. I heard Brendan and Delia, and then Andrew. He couldn’t understand why I wasn’t waking up, and to be honest I couldn’t either. He was very thrilled when he saw Sidney sitting by my bed though. If I woke up I was going to owe that kid big time.

There were many times where the room would get quiet for a while and I wouldn’t be sure if anyone was there. Then without fail I’d feel someone grab my hand and kiss my forehead. Sidney would talk to me. Sometimes he apologized for lying to me. Sometimes he talked about his practices and games. Sometimes he just asked me to wake up.

I did what he asked and tried. I tried every chance I had to move, speak, or wake up. I knew I wasn’t going to give up anymore. I had to tell Sidney I was sorry. I had to tell him that I forgave him. I had to tell him that I was in love with him too. It wasn’t happening yet, but I knew that eventually it would.