Chapter 50

At the professor’s announcement I nearly groaned out loud with the rest of the class. Having an exam and a 15 page paper I hadn’t yet started writing due on the same day was going to suck. I packed up my things and wondered why the hell he’d only given us two days notice for the Monday morning exam. Didn’t he realize it was Friday and tomorrow was Halloween? Granted, I wasn’t doing anything but going to the Pens game to celebrate, but everyone else was going out. What a jerk.

I got home and after making some lunch I immediately locked myself up in the office to get started on my paper. I thought three days was going to be enough to write it, averaging about 5 pages a day, but now with the exam I was in a big time crunch. I’d only done some of the research and wasted a couple of hours finishing that up. I never heard Sidney come home and only realized he was when he placed a kiss on the top of my head.

“You know it’s Friday, right?” he asked as he looked over my shoulder at the computer screen in front of me.

“Well, you already know I had that 15 pager to write this weekend, but now one of my professors decided to give our class an exam on Monday morning. I’m going to be sitting in this spot all weekend,” I complained.

“You’ll do fine,” Sidney assured me, obviously hearing the stress in my voice.

I sat at the computer researching and typing away the rest of Friday night, only stopping to eat the dinner Sidney had ordered in for us. I felt bad because I usually cooked for him the night before a game, but with everything I had to do he’d insisted on letting me keep working and just ordering in.

I went to bed late that night and then woke up with Sidney on Saturday morning. I grabbed a cup of coffee and locked myself back into the office. I read what I’d written the night before and hated the entire thing. The entire morning was wasted rewriting the first five pages. When I read over them again I was satisfied and continued on. Sidney came in before he left for the game that night to kiss me goodbye. I hardly acknowledged him, completely in the zone.

My stomach finally stopped me a little while later as I realized I hadn’t eaten anything all day. I stretched out and got up from the desk to walk out into the kitchen. It was completely dark outside and in the house. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was 8:00. Shit, the game. I started to rush upstairs to jump into the shower and change when I realized by the time I got to the rink the game would be almost over.

I sighed and turned back to the kitchen, grabbing some leftovers and heating them up. I was going to be missing my first game this season, but there was nothing that could be done. I ate quickly and headed back into the office to write. As I reached my 12th page I heard the door from the garage to the kitchen open and then slam shut. The Pens must have lost and Sidney was obviously pissed.

I decided to just stay in the office and out of Sidney’s way until he cooled down a little bit. I’d learned in the short amount of time the season had been going on to just let Sidney stew until he was calm before trying to talk to him about anything. I heard a few more bangs before he flung open the office door. I turned to look at him, and he looked ready to kill someone.

“We lost, just so you know,” he spit out heatedly. Why the hell was he taking the game out on me?

“I figured. I’m sorry,” I told him softly.

“Where the fuck were you?” he asked angrily.

“Right here writing my paper. I’m sorry I missed the game, I just lost track of time,” I apologized.

“Seriously, Tanner? It’s the last game at home for a week and a half and you couldn’t bother to show up?” I knew I should just keep my mouth shut because he was probably just pissed about how the game had gone, but what he said struck a nerve.

“You’re kidding, right? I had a 15 page paper to write that I’m not done with and I have to study for an exam still. I meant to go to the game, but lost track of time like I told you. Even so, I probably needed these few hours to continue working on things,” I shot at him.

“I needed you there tonight!” he yelled. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Right, because you would have played better with me in the crowd,” I scoffed. It was the wrong move on my part and I knew it the second it left my mouth. I watched as Sidney’s face turned red in anger and he balled up his fists.

“Don’t even begin to question what makes me play better or worse,” he started. I put a hand up to stop him.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m just stressed out about my schoolwork. I’m sorry I missed your game, but this really was more important,” I told him.

“More important than my career?” he asked through clenched teeth. That question is what made me snap.

“I highly doubt one game is going to ruin your career, Sidney. And if you must know, this paper and exam are pretty fucking crucial to my career,” I responded, my voice rising a little.

“Are we going to do this right now? Are we going to have a pissing match about who’s livelihoods are more important?” Sidney questioned. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I told you a long time ago and then repeated it numerous times that there were going to be times when I couldn’t go to a game because I had other things going on. I asked you repeatedly if you could handle that and you said you could. I didn’t go to one game and you’re flipping out. Either you forgot that or you lied to me,” I accused. His eyes widened in fury.

“You’re accusing me of lying to you?!” he yelled.

“You’ve done it before!” I screamed out. Suddenly it hit me. Everything I’d been feeling lately made sense. I realized what had been eating at me the past week or so. I was still angry at Sidney for lying to me about who he was.

“Pardon?” I wanted to take a breather, to calm down and assess my newfound feelings on all of this, but I was on a roll and I couldn’t seem to make myself shut my mouth.

“You lied to me about who you were. You led me on for almost two months pretending to be someone else. Not a great track record for you.” He looked at me in shock. I could practically read his thoughts. Why the hell almost a year later was I bringing that back up? I didn’t quite know why it was suddenly invading my thoughts, but it was there, and I was supremely pissed off about it.

“I thought that was in the past. I thought we’d gotten past that. I thought I’d explained it all to you and you understood.”

“Well I don’t understand! I don’t understand why you would lie to me. I can’t help but wonder how long you would have gone on with the lie and let me believe that you were nothing special, no big deal. How long would you have lied to me, Sidney?” I wanted to hear what he had to say. I wanted to know how long he would have kept the charade up.

“I was going to tell you. I’d been trying to find the right time.” Not good enough.

“How fucking long, Sidney?” I shouted.

“You’re psychotic,” he shot.

“And you’re an egotistical liar,” I returned.

“Okay, you’re jumping all over the map right now, Tanner. Explain this to me. How did we get from fighting about you being at my game to me being egotistical and a liar? This doesn’t make any sense!”

“It makes complete sense. You’re pissed off because you lost and I wasn’t there to see it. You walked in here basically telling me your career is more important than mine and you had no intention of being okay with me missing games even after you told me it was fine. Egotistical and liar fit right in there!”

“I can’t even be around you right now.”

“Then get the fuck out. You’re the one who barged in here screaming and yelling. If you didn’t want to fight you shouldn’t have come in guns blazing.”

Sidney stood in the doorway glaring at me for a moment, neither of us saying a word. Finally he grabbed the doorknob and slammed the door behind him as he left the office. I continued to glare at the closed door as I heard his stomping footsteps head upstairs. Who the hell did he think he was?

I turned back to the computer screen but I knew I wasn’t going to get anything else done tonight. I saved the paper, turned off the computer, and slammed the laptop shut. I stayed sitting in the office for a good half an hour stewing over the fight we’d just had and my realization that I still had anger in me about Sidney lying to me about who he was at the beginning of our relationship.

The more I thought about it, the more confused and angry I got. I was confused because I had no idea why now, after almost a year I was suddenly angry about it all over again. Then the more I tried to figure it out the angrier I got over him doing it. I finally realized I wasn’t going to come to terms with it all that night and decided to just go to bed.

Not even remotely close to wanting to see Sidney I headed into one of the guest rooms furthest from our bedroom. I got into bed and struggled to shut my brain off and get to sleep in a bed and bedroom I’d never slept in before.