Chapter 32

I spent the next two days in bed. On the day of game four I only got up to go to the hospital for treatment. As soon as I was home I got back into bed. I’d pretty much refused to talk to anyone since my talk with the girls after my last conversation with Sidney. I didn’t want to be cheered up or hear any advice. All I wanted was to wallow in bed.

While I had decided in my head that I wasn’t going to care about Sidney anymore if he wasn’t going to care about me, my heart wasn’t listening. As if on cue I found myself wandering out into the living room to watch the game just as it started. I sat there with Kelly and Lisa quietly watching the Pens finish off the Hurricanes while Grace and Hailey were out at one of the other girls’ houses.

When the game ended I got up and went back to bed, ignoring the sympathetic looks on my friends’ faces. I pulled the covers over my head, but held my phone in my hand. Even though Sidney hadn’t called in the last two days I thought maybe he would tonight. I hadn’t yet decided if I’d answer.

I woke up the next morning still clutching my phone. He never called. I couldn’t decide if I was glad or hurt by that. I spent the next few days trying to force myself to think about anything but Sidney. It only worked about 10% of the time. Somehow everything led back to him.

On the night of game one of the rematch between the Pens and the Wings I turned down the invite to go watch the game at Erin’s. Instead I once again stayed home and watched the game with Kelly and Lisa. My heart ached as I watched the Wings take the game.

I figured that if Sidney was ever going to call again, it would be tonight. I knew this time that I would answer, but I didn’t know what I would say. Even if we were on good terms I wouldn’t know what to say. I’d never been very good at that kind of thing. He didn’t call.

The next day I agreed to go with Grace and Hailey over to Vero’s to watch game two. I wasn’t sure why exactly I agreed to go, but somehow I thought maybe it would help. It didn’t. We all sat in stunned silence at the final buzzer. They were down 2-0, and it wasn’t looking good for the guys.

“Are you ready to go?” Hailey asked me.

I nodded and stood up from my position on the couch. Grace and I quietly followed Hailey to her car and got in. She didn’t put on the radio like she usually did, and neither Grace nor I asked her to. As we neared our exit on the highway I suddenly felt panicked.

“Turn around!” I yelled. Hailey hit the breaks in response to the loud sound of my voice breaking the dead silence.

“Jesus, Tanner, what’s wrong?” Grace asked looking back at me from the front seat.

“We need to turn around. Please,” I begged.

“Back to Vero’s?” Hailey asked. I shook my head.

“No. To the Lemieux’s,” I replied. I watched Hailey and Grace exchange looks.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Grace asked, a frown on her face.

“I have to.” She looked back at Hailey. I could tell that they were trying to decide if it was the right thing to do. “I have to,” I repeated, a little quieter this time. Hailey nodded and exited the highway only to get back on, going in the opposite direction.

We didn’t talk the rest of the way. Neither of them asked me why I thought I had to be there when Sidney came home. I wasn’t even sure why I thought I had to be there. They pulled into the driveway and I climbed out and rang the doorbell. Nathalie answered a minute later.

“Tanner?” she said in surprise. I could tell by the look on her face that she knew Sidney and I hadn’t talked in a while.

“How much do you know?” I asked. She smiled sadly at me.

“All of it,” she told me. I nodded and sighed.

“Do you think it’s okay that I wait for him?”

“I think he’d like that,” she said letting me in.

I walked to Sidney’s wing and upstairs to his bedroom. I sat down on his bed and leaned back against the wall. I didn’t know why I was here. I didn’t even know what to say to him when he got home. Would he be happy to see me? Would he want to talk about the other night or would he be more upset over the loss?

I felt a headache forming and reached over to turn off the light on the nightstand in hopes of easing it a bit. Then I sat and waited for him to get home and see what happened.










Sidney was quiet the entire flight back from Detroit. Most of the team was. He couldn’t believe this was happening again. He had to find a way to stop it. He couldn’t let Detroit toss them around for the second year in a row. They were better than that. He couldn’t help but think that if Tanner was there, they’d win. He felt like she was a good luck charm for them.

He got into his car as soon as the plane landed and drove home. He pulled into the driveway and saw that he’d beaten Mario home. He also saw the lights off in the house, signaling that Nathalie was in bed. It was just as well. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now.

He dropped his stuff on the floor in his living room, not bothering to put it away tonight. He kicked his shoes into a corner and took off his tie as he made his way towards his bedroom. He just wanted to get changed, get into bed, and go to sleep.

He flipped on the light switch as he entered his bedroom and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw that someone was sitting in the middle of his bed. He felt his heart racing with adrenaline as he realized it was Tanner sitting Indian style and blinking her eyes against the sudden light.

He wasn’t sure what to do or say. His heart and brain were still racing too much for him to think clearly. Instead he stood there with a hand over his heart, trying to catch his breath, and staring at Tanner.

She looked awful, like she hadn’t slept in a week. Her eyes finally adjusted to the light and she looked up at him. The sparkle that was always in them wasn’t there anymore and there were bags under her eyes. She also wasn’t wearing any of her wigs, like she just simply didn’t care anymore. Or maybe it was to remind him of what she was going through.

They remained like that, staring at each other for what seemed like eternity. He wasn’t sure what to say to her. How did you even begin to apologize for making someone you love feel like their life wasn’t worth your time? He wasn’t even sure she was here for an apology. Maybe she was here to end things.

He struggled to find words, any words, to break the silence. She obviously didn’t know what to say to him either. He opened his mouth to say something when he saw a single tear streak down her face. She wiped it away immediately and looked away as if she was embarrassed. It was all the motivation he needed. He quickly moved to the bed and pulled her into his arms.

He half expected her to push him away, but she did the opposite. She clung on to him and started to cry. He placed a kiss on the top of her head and let her cry. When he heard her breathing start to return to normal he released his grip on her a little. She pulled back and looked up at him with bloodshot eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. She bit her lip and looked away. He could see the pain she was feeling in her eyes. “I keep screwing up with you. I just can’t seem to do the right things. I’m completely selfish and I know it. I’ve never had to worry about anyone else before. You were also wrong. You being healthy is the most important thing to me. I’m just terrified. I’m terrified of losing you, so I’ve thrown myself into hockey because it’s the one thing that’s familiar to me right now. I can’t promise you I won’t screw up anymore, because I will. What I can promise you is that I love you and I’m always here for you 100% even if I say or do dumb things that make you think otherwise. You’re the most important thing in the world to me. Please don’t ever doubt that.”

“I got snot on your suit,” she said in response. He couldn’t help but laugh. He laughed so hard he nearly cried. “We’re not fine,” she whispered when he stopped.

“I know,” he replied.

“I’m only here right now because I fully intend on watching you lift the Cup. Otherwise everything we’ve gone through seems pointless. When that’s over we’re going to talk. Until then, I’m just here to support you. Just because I’m mad at you doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving you.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m exhausted. Can we just go to sleep?” she asked. He nodded and got up to change. When he had he got into bed and pulled Tanner into his arms. As he fell asleep he vowed never to take her for granted ever again.